Christian Parenting Skills: Limit Setting

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CHRISTIAN PARENTING: Active Listening

Listening is love in action:
Listening to understand, rather than to be understood.
Listening to truly know another person.
Listening to hear how you can serve someone.
Listening to bear another's burden of pain.

This is truly a gift to give freely. Most relationship issues would be solved if we listened more.

BASICS OF LISTENING

Listen more than you talk.
Listen from the heart.
Keep an open, non-judgmental mind.
Make eye contact with the other person periodically.
Keep open body language (arms not crossed, facing the person, nodding when appropriate).
It is ok to have pauses. You don't have to fill them in.
Make eye contact with the other person.
Use empathic responses to let the other person know you heard.
Clarify if you are not sure you understand.
Check with the other person to see if understand correctly.
Be patient. Everyone has a different style. Some are more easily compatible than others.

ACTIVE LISTENING SKILLS: Reflection

Reflect what you heard (using an empathic lead):
Examples:
"It sounds like you don't want to go to camp this summer."
"You're thinking you should talk to your mom about the party."

If person says that isn't what they meant:
Ask them tell you more, then reflect again,
"So, you don't want to go to camp in June."
"Oh, you're thinking your sister should talk to your mom."

Don't Reflect too much.
Reflecting too often is distracting to the speaker and can seem rehearsed.

Reflect content and feeling.
Examples
Content:
"You're thinking about buying a car."
"It sounds like you have a busy day."
"You're thinking you should talk to your mom about the party."

Feeling:
"You're happy about buying a car."
"You're afraid you won't get everything done today."
"You're hurt and want to talk to your mom about the party."

RECOMMENDED READING
Listening
    By: Madelyn Burley-Allen
  Wiley: 2nd edition 1995

Lost Art of Listening
  By: Michael Nichols
  Guilford Press 1994

  EMPATHIC RESPONSE LEADS
   Use phrases like these to respond to    the talker to let them know you heard    without putting the attention on you:
   You mean....
   You're not sure about...
   So,you'd like...
   It's like...
   You're thinking....
   I heard that you...
   It sounds like...
   You're afraid to...
   If I'm hearing you correctly...
   This may not fit, but...
   It seems to you...
   I gather that...
   I wonder if...
   It's important to you to...

My dear brothers, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry,
James 1:19

FAMILY OF FAITH

SUBMIT YOUR TESTIMONY

13 He who answers before listening, that is his folly and his shame..
Proverbs 18:13