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Counseling: Ego Defenses

DEFENSES TO AVOID FEELINGS 
God gave us the ability to deal with life in many ways. One of which is defending ourselves from physical and emotional pain. Ego defenses are a built in human mechanism. How they develop and which ones we uses vary depend on individual personality, family system and past experiences. As with all of the choices God gave us, defense mechanisms are intended to be used in the context of His instruction for life; having a healthy heart for Jesus.

Although defense mechanisms serve a useful protective function, they become dysfunctional when they are the main means of dealing with feelings and prevent taking responsibility for resolution of the problem. Most critically, they can keep us focused on ourselves and become barriers to an open and willing heart for loving Jesus and other people.  

Rationalizing
Making a case that behavior, reaction, attitude is justifiable and valid.
Example: "If I wait to do the dishes when I'm rested, I will do a better job.

Projecting
Placing dysfunction onto someone else rather than accept responsibility.
Example: "You are so stubborn."

Blaming Feel better about you own behavior, attitudes by making others responsible for it.
Example: "I wouldn't drink if he weren't so hard to live with.

Intellectualizing
Avoiding feelings by focusing on thoughts.
Example: "Focusing on the details of the loss of a job instead of the grief of the event.

Denying
Avoiding reality by refusing to face it.
Example: "He isn't really leaving. He just says that".

Minimizing
Making something less than it is.
Example: "It's no big deal. I'm used to it.

Fantasizing
Distracting from reality by creating fantasies to focus on.
Example: Thinking about a new house to avoid fixing problems wit the current one.

Justifying
Finding reasons your behavior was warrented.
Example: "I deserve this new TV because I work hard.

Humor and laughing
Using humor to distract from the issue and feelings
Example: Making a joke when someone is angry with you. Smiling when you are feeling angry or sad.

Repressing
Pushing memories and feelings of an event out of the conscious.
Example: Not remember past abuse.

Accusing
Shifting blame to someone else to avoid responsibiity and feelings, especially shame.
Example: "You didn't want me to be there on time."

Suppressing
Pushing feelings back into unconscious to avoid the pain.
Example: "It didn't affect me when she yelled at me."

Identifying
Making self feel more important by identifying with people or organizations that are condidered to have high standing.
Example: "I know the mayor."

Compensating
Over emphasizing one trait/behavior to cover up flaws/weakness in another.
Example: Buying your kids more toys instead of taking time with them.

Withdrawing
Avoiding interaction with others, physically or emotionally.
Example: Not going to social events. Going to a party and not talking to others.

Lying
Telling mistruths to avert attention and avoid feelings, usually shame.
Example: Telling your spouse you didn't spend money when you did.

Manipulating
Trying to change someone else's behavior, thoughts to ligitimize yours.
Example: "If you stop nagging, I'll come home on time.

Threatening
Intimidating another to divert attention.
Example: "If you don't stop nagging, I'll leave.

Arrogance
Feeling superior and above accountability
Example: "I don't need any feedback. I am good at this."

Judging
Evaluating others instead of yourself
Example: "You have a problem."

Explaining
Backing up your behavior, thoughts with why you did/have them.
Example: I didn't clean my room because I thought it might take too long and I would be late.

Analyzing
Looking for why instead of dealing with the situtaion/feeling.
Example: I think I did that because I haven't learned to deal with stress."

Arguing
Defending, debating to avoid responsibility.
Example: I did the best I could. How am I supposed to know what to do? What more do you want from me?"

Defiance
Challenging others to keep the focus off you.
Example: Go ahead, try to get me to finish the dishes."

Silence
Not responding. With holding expressing yourself.
Example: Not answering when your spouse asks, "Why didn't you call me?"

Excusing
Dismissing your behavior as having cause.
Example: "I couldn't call. I didn't know when you would be home."

Regressing
Reverting to responses appropriate for younger people.
Example: Throwing a tantrum as an adult.

Regressing
Taking out your feelings on someone/something less threatening.
Example: Yelling at your kids after a fight with your spouse.
For the eyes of the LORD run to and fro throughout the whole earth, to show Himself strong on behalf of those whose heart is loyal to Him.
                        2 Chronicles 16:9


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