Counseling: Emotions and Defenses
EMOTIONS Sad Mad Glad Afaid Ashamed Hurt
WHAT ARE EMOTIONS?
To understand emotions (feelings), we have to differentiate between thoughts (cognition), emotions (affect), perceptions and states. We tend to bunch them together and call all of them feelings. For example, "I feel like you are not listening to me." appears like an expression of feelings, but it is really a thought.
A way to expresses both would be:
"I am hurt that you turned away when I was talking. I think you are not listening."
It seems trivial, but it is amazing how we can avoid our emotions by keeping our focus in our heads.
THOUGHT: Idea: the content of cognition; the main thing you are thinking about; (Wordnet, Princeton University)
PERCEPTION: A way of regarding, understanding or interpreting something. (Oxford American Dictionaries)
FEELINGS: possessing great sensibility; easily affected or moved; as, a feeling heart. (Wordnet, Princeton University)
STATE:
The particular condition someone or something is in at a particular time (Oxford American Dictionaries)
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ARTICLES OF INTEREST
Ego Defenses: Ways We Dodge Feelings
Defense mechanisms serve a useful protective function, but become dysfunctional when they are the main means of dealing with feelings and prevent us from taking responsibility for resolution of the problem. Read More...
"I" Messages
God tell us to be honest with each other about our thoughts and feelings, but to do it without sinning. "I" statements are a way to be direct without putting the other person on the defensive. It is also a way to clarify what you are trying to communicate. Read More...
Feedback Cycle
Learn guidelines for giving effective feedback to someone to avoid escalation into an argument. Read More...
Listener Assessment
Really listening to an other so as to forget yourself is a true act of love. It is the best way to connect heart to heart. How well do you listen? Read More...
Active Listening
Really listening to an other so as to forget yourself is a true act of love. It is the best way to connect heart to heart. How well do you listen?. Read More...
WHAT MATTERS MOST
God makes it clear in the Bible that He is after our hearts, that He desires a relationship with us through Jesus Christ. See "BIBLE QUOTES ON HEART"
Fully Alive, Fully Human.
He tells us to use our ability to experiencing life fully and deeply with a range of emotions and to express them, but to do it as a loving Christian (Eph 4:25-26).
Heart For Jesus.
He wants us to have an open and willing heart: Open to His love and the Holy Spirit and willingness to be a vessel for Jesus. See more on healthy heart for Jesus. As with any relationship, the value of it is determined by the level of passion, emotion...heart to heart connection that both parties put forward. We know Jesus has unending, unconditional love for us. How open is your heart to the love of Jesus?
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MAD SAD GLAD AFRAID ASHAMED HURT
WHAT ARE EMOTIONS, cont.
There is disagreement about a list of emotions. Many are quite extensive. The experts who treat addictions have narrowed it down to six core emotions; mad, sad, glad, ashamed, afraid, hurt. All other "feelings" have one of these six as the core. Many of those on the long lists are really perceptions or states. For example:
Confusion. Instead of a feeling, confusion is the state. The thought might be, "I dont' know what to do" and the core state. would vary some by individual, but might be afraid and/or mad.
Frustration. The state is frustration. The thought might be, "This isn't working out right" and the core feeling(s) mad, afraid, sad, ashamed.
When we use thoughts to express emotions it is called "rebound feelings" We have bounced them up to our head to avoid feeling the effect of them, usually the pain.
We have to take care with our thoughts to be consistent with God's instructions and not the world's. However, operating solely from above the neck, keeps interactions on an intellectual level and we are disconnected from our heart, the source of true connection. This disconnection leads to detachment from others and distance from Jesus. This leaves us empty and unfulfilled since true satisfaction is a heart thing, not a head thing. All of us have feelings every day regardless of whether we acknowledge them or not. That's how God made us. The more we ignore them, the more the eat at us. We often search outside for something to fill the emptiness with work, affairs, addictions, busyness. Also, when we are disconected from our hearts, we can sin more easily since we don't feel the shame, sadness that regulates our actions. We can treat others poorly, but not feel their pain.
An Integrated System. All of these parts contribute to make our whole reaction. Just like in our body, to keep functioning well, we have to take care of each part. If any of our organs are out of whack, the others become out of whack and the whole body becomes skewed. The longer an organ is out of whack, the longer the other parts have to compensate and eventually, they become dysfunctional. To remedy it, the doctor has to find the root of problems in the parts and how they contributed to the overall break-down. If the doctor didn't know how each part functioned, it would be impossible to make meaningful change in the whole.
Insight into Parts of Self is Key. The same is true for psychological self. While it is more complicated than just cognition, affect, perception and states, they are core functions that contribute to our mental health. It will be different for each person because of personality types, past experiences and brain function.
