|
Relationships: Restoring Broken Connections
WHY RESTORE BROKEN BONDS?
Ambassadors of Christ. God has reconciled us to Him, forgiving our sins and giving us a fresh life in Jesus. He also, "has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us." (Phil 2:1) As ambassadors, we are to forgive and start anew with each other to always represent Him in reconciliation.
Unity of the Body. The Bible tells us how much God values unity and above all our love for each other (Matt 22:37-40; 1 Peter 4:8; Eph 4:32). While it is very human to have differences and conflict, especially where emotions are involved, our mandate is to work toward unity, continually forgiving each other (Matthew 18:21) so to be reconciled to one another. (Psalm 133:1; Eph 4:3; Col 3:14)
Openness and Willingness. He tells us that we are to work out any conflicts, including those in which we were wronged, before we go before Him in offering (Matt 5:23). He also tells us to be honest and direct with each other and to express our emotions to avoid growing bitter. (Eph 4:23-35). Being open with your thoughts and feelings and willing to commit to a loving interaction is the most important part of restoring a relationship. It is not easy to confront someone who has wronged you or humble yourself to take responsibility for having wrong them. The success of restoring the relationshp has more to do with the state of your heart than anything (Eph 4:32). If you approach it with a humble, contrite heart that is determined to heal the relationship, Jesus will do the rest.
RESTORING YOUR RELATIONSHIP
1) Check your heart. Are your motives pure? (Phil 2:1) Are you open to your feelings and those of the other person? Are you willing to commit to working things out even if it gets intense?
2) Determine your desired outcome. The goal is always reconciliation, but that means something different depending on the nature of the relationship: For example, with a co-worker you may want to stop gossip; with a spouse, more intimacy; with your doctor, more cooperation in your care.
3) Pick your time. Timing is everything. Pick a time when both of you are relaxed and open. Choose a place that is comfortable and non-threatening to both of you if possible.
4) Listen more than you talk. Remember that you build a bridge more by listening than by pushing to make your point.
5) Use the feedback cycle. Communicate your message using effective communication cycle with "I" messages and avoiding "You" messages. See Examples:
If you are confronting someone who has sinned against you (Matt 18:15-18):
"I heard you yelling and calling me a jerk."
"I feel hurt and angry."
"I think you are not listening to my point of view.""
"I would like you to stop yelling at me and let me tell you again what I am thinking."
"I'll tell you calmly without being harsh."
"I heard you tell Joe that I lied to you."
"I feel hurt and angry."
"I think you are gossiping about me.""
"I would like you to stop talking to other people and talk to me about it."
"I'll listen if you tell me what you thought I said that upset you."
If you are confronting a sinning brother (Gal 6:1):
"I saw you take that shirt without paying for it."
"I feel afraid and angry."
"I think you are sinning and will regret the consequences.""
"I would like you to take it back and offer an apology."
"I'll go with you to do it."
"I heard you tell me that Susan doesn't discipline her kids so they are brats."
"I am afraid."
"I think it would be better if you talk to her about that."
"I would rather you not talk to me about other people"
"I'll listen if you talk about you and what's going on with you."
Back To Top
2 Corinthians 5:16-21 NLT18 All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ and gave us the ministry of reconciliation: 19 that God was reconciling the world to himself in Christ, not counting men's sins against them. And he has committed to us the message of reconciliation. 20 We are therefore Christ's ambassadors, as though God were making his appeal through us. We implore you on Christ's behalf: Be reconciled to God. 21 God made him who had no sin to be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God.
Matthew 18:15 NIV "If your brother sins against you, go and show him his fault, just between the two of you. If he listens to you, you have won your brother over. 16 But if he will not listen, take one or two others along, so that 'every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.' 17 If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church; and if he refuses to listen even to the church, treat him as you would a pagan or a tax collector.
18 "I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
Matthew 18:21 NIV Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, "Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother when he sins against me? Up to seven times?"
22 Jesus answered, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times."
36 "Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?" 37 Jesus replied: "'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.' 38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.' 40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
1 Peter 4:8 Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers a multitude of sins.
Ephesians 4:32 NIV Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, just as God in Christ forgave you.
Matthew 18:18-19 NIV 18 "I tell you the truth, whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven.
19 "Again, I tell you that if two of you on earth agree about anything you ask for, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven. 20 For where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them."
Matthew 18:32-35 NIV "Then the master called the servant in. 'You wicked servant,' he said, 'I canceled all that debt of yours because you begged me to. 33 Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had on you?' 34 In anger his master turned him over to the jailers to be tortured, until he should pay back all he owed.
35 "This is how my heavenly Father will treat each of you unless you forgive your brother from your heart."
Psalm 133:1 1 How good and pleasant it is
when brothers live together in unity!
Matthew 5:23 "Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, 24 leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift."
Ephesians 4:3
Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.
2 with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love, 3 endeavoring to keep the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. NKJV>
Colossians 3:14
And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.
Ephesians 4:25-32 NKJV Therefore, putting away lying, Let each one of you speak truth with his neighbor, for we are members of one another. 26 Be angry, and do not sin: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, 27 nor give place to the devil. 28 Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. 29 Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice.
32 And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.
Philipians 2:1 NKJV 3 Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. 4 Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
Galatians 6:1-5 1 Brothers, if someone is caught in a sin, you who are spiritual should restore him gently. But watch yourself, or you also may be tempted. 2 Carry each other's burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ. 3 If anyone thinks he is something when he is nothing, he deceives himself. 4 Each one should test his own actions. Then he can take pride in himself, without comparing himself to somebody else, 5 for each one should carry his own load.
|
You shall love the Lord God with all your heart, with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments."
Matthew 22:37-40 NIV
|
|
SUBMIT YOUR TESTIMONY
|
|
In the end, people appreciate honest criticism
far more than flattery. Proverbs 28:23 NLV
|
Clothe yourself with humility toward one another, because God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble. Humble yourselves therefore, under God's mighty hand that he may lift you up in due time. 1 Peter 5:5-6
1 Peter 5:5-6 NKJV
|
|
